First of all, Malec in the finale of Shadowhunters DESTROYED ME (watch the series if you haven’t yet, and yes season 1 sucks, but season2 and 3 are really good)
Moving on. So I’m going to my friend’s birthday party on Saturday and another friend of mine is trying to make a compilation video of people including me, giving a speech to the birthday girl. I really love that idea, trust me, but I hate filming myself because I feel very awkward when doing it I have no idea why. I am still going to film myself though. Speaking of parties and hanging out with friends, I feel very glad but also a bit sad spending time with my fantastic friends because maybe after a decade or so, maybe even less, I might not get the chance to hang with these people anymore you know? They might live in different countries in the future and I won’t get to see them again, or they’d be so caught up with the hectic schedules of everyday life that I won’t be able to spend time with them much, maybe even never, and that makes me sad in a way. I can’t help but lament over this right now, however, I’m still glad I still get to cross paths with these people I call my friends and create beautiful memories with them which I will cherish forever.
Other than crying about the future, I would also like to discuss about intimate relationships. I seem to be a hopeless romantic and I’m really excited about being in a relationship with someone I would love, but there’s this fear in the back of my mind that the love I’m feeling at that certain time, it’s temporary, that love is fleeting, and it’s not permanent. I’m scared to fall out of love and break someone’s heart, because what’s the point of going into a relationship when you know you’re going to break up with them in the future? Plus I seem to now have this belief that I should always rely on myself and my own happiness so I won’t need a relationship to give me happiness because a person can be happy without a relationship. I believe in what I just wrote now, but I think I’m also nervous about relying on my future partner to give me happiness and love because I don’t like relying on people? I think I would consider that a wall that needs to be broken down, but I’m not really sure of what I’m writing right now is true to who I am at the moment, I’m just guessing really. I’m not completely sure if it resonates within me. Eitherways I’ve only been in a 2 or 3 month relationship and that was back in grade 7 so I’m pretty inexperienced about being in an actual relationship. But hey, sometimes we just have to take risks, therefore, I’m willing to be in a relationship to find out whether my love for my future partner is fleeting or not, hopefully, it’s not.
Song recommendation:
Time Frame – Fractures
Peaceful.isolation 