Yours

Those lovely gazes aren’t for you to gaze back at,
Those hands aren’t yours to hold tightly at night,
Those sweaters he owns aren’t for you to wear when you’re cold,
Those warm embraces aren’t yours to seek for,
And those soft lips aren’t yours to kiss when the fireworks starts singing;
He’s not yours, and he will never be; yet every night you wish he was, so that you can do all those things with him.

He’s not yours, but there is someone who is; someone who seeks to hold you every night, someone who would gaze at you rather than the beautiful sunsets, who would give you their sweaters when you’re cold, who would give you those warm embraces you were seeking for all these years, and those soft lips are yours to kiss before, during, and after the fireworks have sung.

Love and The Future

Right here in the living room at 3 in the morning crying so hard. Why you ask? I don’t know either. I just don’t know what to do…I don’t know what do in the future, I’ve always fear the future, I fear what’s going to happen. I always had this fear that in the future I will be a failure to everyone and especially to myself. I don’t know which path to take in life and it scares me so much that it’ll be too late to take my path because I already failed and that I will be useless and a failure to my parents because they worked so hard to get me into who I am today and i’m so grateful for that. I’ve always had a dream that in the future i’ll be taking care of my parents when they’re old and when I get a job to return the love they gave me, but how would I fulfill that dream if I don’t even know what to do for my future? I don’t want to fail but it feels like failure is waiting for me to the other side. The problem that caused this is because I don’t know who I am yet, I don’t know everything about me. I’m always busy (not, but there are school stuff i gotta do so just maybe a little) but if I have free time then I waste my time using my phone or the laptop so I don’t really get much time for myself and know who I truly am. This blog is working though, i’m glad I made this 🙂 . The other reason why i’m crying is because of…well…relationships. Would someone love me for who I am? or would I be alone forever? and especially, Would I love someone deeply? I’ve just been thinking about relationships and how beautiful and how amazing it is (I’ve experienced it plus I can tell by watching romance 😛 ). I’ve just been watching a lot of romance at the moment so I apologize for blabbering nonsense. All these negative thoughts coming out of my mind but I won’t let it take over me (I guess).

“It’s okay not to feel alright every time, we just got to break down some time but, make sure you get back up again because this isn’t the end of you, this isn’t the end of me, it’s just the beginning.”